im aware of the grammer mistakes so PLLLLLLEEEEEASE dont say there is grammer and mispelled words

Ch 1

"May 21 Dear Diary, Im writing in one entry what happened to me at fifteen to what my age is now all becasue my conselor told me to. Then I can write what ever I want in you. Im gonna write down every emotion every anger in my body. Well, iIts been four years. Four long, dreadful, painful years. All because, Ryan moved when I was fifteen. We knew each other since birth. He had gorgeous, soft brown hair and eyes blue like the sea. There was nothing that could seperate us. We never got into a argument. It was like he was my angel sent by god. My perfect friend. He moved because his dad got a new job. He was the only one that would stand up from me. Yes, I do think about him. I do alot actually. He moved away when we were both in ninth grade. We had every class together but, one. I had drama he had band. On the day he left he came into the drama room and asked to talked to me for a few minutes. I got up and walked out of the room and outside. My school was cool, they didnt care if we did this. As long as we came back to class. Ryan sat me on a school bench, took a deep breath and said "Im leaving now,". I couldnt bare looking into his gorgeous eyes. His eyes hypnotized me. "Yeah, I know. Try not to forget about me. Please," I said starring deep into his eyes that I thought I would never see again. I started crying in his grip and squeezing his soft warm hand. I couldn’t bare it, I just wanted him to go ahead and leave. It was hard enough seeing him go. "Oh I couldnt and I promise at eighteen I will come back down and we will get back together. I also promise to never date anyone. You are the one and only one fore me babe," he said to me while putting my short brown hair behind my ears. He then pulled me in and
kissed me. I closed my eyes tightly as we kissed. I didnt want it to end. As we parted the kiss, he got up and left. I watched him leave that day. Watched him get into the truck and pull out of the parking lot and out of my life.

When Ryan first moved I cried for weeks. I couldn’t stop thinking about him but then I met Beth and Gina. Beth is so pretty and short like me. She has long black hair and beautful brown eyes. My other friend Gina had short blonde hair and stormy blue eye’s. I relized how much he meant to me and how much I really needed him in my life a few months after he left. He never called or wrote. I guess it was hard enough for him to leave, then for me to see him go. One day near the end of the year. At fourteen I tried hanging myself but, as I put the noose around my neck my friend Gina came in. Thats when I relized that she cared but the word "RYAN" always came back in my mind. I became really suicidial. I tried everything but nothing seemed to work. No one ever found out about that. After, trying to kill myself didn’t work I became anorexic. I thought if I was skinny I would find someone new and forget all about Ryan. I would make myself throw up. It didnt work all the guys called me a cow. Beth had to help me get back to eating. If it weren’t for her and Gina I would be dead right now.

On the day of my sweet sixteen Gina surprised me with a girls day out. I found myself happy again. I found the old me was back and I didnt want it to go away but, it did when a drunk driver hit us and caused us to go to the hospital. I was the lucky one. I went home a week later with a few bumps and bruises. They wanted to make sure I was okay before I left. A for Gina well she had to be taken off life support. I watched her die. I watched the monitor go to a straight line. From that moment I knew i was alone in the world. Yes, I know I had Beth but, she was two years younger than me which meant she was a seventh grader so, I hardly saw her. Other than her I had no one. I ended up dying my sweet light brown hair to black and pink. My parents stopped talking and caring about me. Hell I even cut myself a few times. Nothing, seemed to end my pain.

Also, at seventeen I turned emo and was now angry, sucidal and I did drugs. I was caught giving drugs to kids so I went to jail for two months.I will never do that again. I was eighteen when I finally relized I needed to change my life. My hair is now back to normal, I have my life but my family still thinks of me as well someone who lives her and not as a family member. Of course that dosent change the fact that I dont see Ryan but, I still only have Beth, no one else wants to be my friend.Well its late and I havent had dinner yet. Its hard for me to eat after everything I been threw but, I try. Im going to meet Beth for lunch tomorrow. Hopefully, I can eat something. I havent eatin in two weeks. I will write in you later. Bye," Cattie wrote all of this down in her diary, wiped the tear from her eye and then sat it under her pillow and layed her head on her pillow.

Cattie woke up in a pretty good mood. It was eight in the morning
"Okay I will talk to you later," said Cattie walking up to her house and inside.
#1 in the doary entry ot dont matter its her thoughts